I knew the day would come, I didn't really know when, but I guess I thought maybe you would be older. School fair last week and for the first time ever you very politely asked me that morning "Can I just take my money and walk around with my friends". The question caught me off guard and a million thoughts tumbled through my brain. You are only nine, when I was nine I walked home from school alone, but I rarely let you out of my sight in public. Would you be safe? Would you be okay? Would I be okay? I don't want to be a helicopter parent, I want you to be capable and confident. I know that to do that I have to let you go, just a little bit, let you figure stuff out on your own. Yet at the same time I have to keep you safe, keep you close enough that you don't get totally lost. Sometimes the balance is hard to find.
You are in between now, half way between my little boy and the young man you will become. Every day I see glimpses of both. I wonder if it is as confusing for you as it is for me. I see you pulling away and then I watch you scurry back, testing the limits and forming your own ideas.
After we had synchronised watches and safely tucked your money in your pocket, I settled down at a table with coffee and off you went. Ten minutes later you returned with both food and your friends. There was eating and laughing, chatting to each other and the adults and then off you all went to return again in around ten minutes. And so the pattern for the afternoon was set. Ever widening circles away, but always returning in the knowledge that I was there waiting.
We are in between you and I and that is okay. I just didn't think we would get here this soon.
3 comments:
Okay Jodie, you need to scrap that journalling onto a page right now, perfect photo to go along with it. Do it. My goodness you can write with a passion.
I do however have visions of you darting behind trees and parked cars and corners of buildings following along making sure he's okay. Now that's a scrap page in itself, LOL.
Please please scrap what you just wrote there. For Mr J to look back on in the future.
Oh my you just wrote about me and the big girl!
I keep thinking every time she asks to do something all by herself or with her friends that we have to let her go... and hope that she remembers to use the common sense she has to stay safe...
Flamin hard to do though!
and yeah I agree with Carol you have to scrap this... these exact words and that amazing photo!
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